Many people who struggle with anxiety also tend to self-sabotage. Anxiety often creates overwhelming feelings that make it difficult to take positive steps forward, resulting in procrastination or avoidance. This can manifest in behaviors like delaying important projects, overthinking decisions, or not addressing issues in relationships, leading to a cycle of anxiety and self-sabotage.

When anxiety builds, it’s common to seek an escape or revert to behaviors that are more comfortable, even if they don’t serve your long-term goals. This is how anxiety can fuel self-sabotage in your personal and professional life. You may see yourself in any of these 8 reasons or maybe you’ll see a loved one's experience in this blog post.

My hope for this post is to guide you in identifying patterns that contribute to self-sabotaging behaviors, as this awareness is the first step toward not only reducing the anxiety that feeds into them but also allowing you the time to slow down and re-evaluate your values and priorities.

“Life feels uncontrollable.”

If you’ve thought this at any point recently, it might be time to slow down and pause. As Cal Newport writes in his book, Slow Productivity, “Strive to reduce your obligations to the point where you can easily imagine accomplishing them with time to spare. Leverage this reduced load to more fully embrace and advance the small number of projects that matter most.” (53). In other words, take a pause on those projects or endless tasks that are draining your energy and contributing to feelings of anxiety and self-sabotage, leaving you feeling like a zombie at the end of the day. There are times to push through to complete a project or task, and there are also times when slowing down can actually increase creativity and provide more energy in the long-run.

Reflection: What are those tasks that could be delegated to others on your team (whether that’s at work or at home) so that the weight of it doesn’t keep you from mentally resetting for the next day?

Change is scary and they’re not ready for it.

Have you ever noticed the large bumps on a tree? Those bumps are the tree’s response to when viruses or bacteria attack its system. You could consider this as the tree’s battle scars, similar to how many people experience anxiety and self-sabotage when faced with change, especially when it requires leaving their comfort zone. I’m guessing not many enjoy this discomfort, particularly if they are content with life as it is.

Unfortunately or fortunately (however you decide to look at it), change is the only constant in life. Talking about the uncomfortable parts of your relationship with your partner, friends, family members, boss, etc. can bring up similar feelings. Once we learn to live with change, we can become more resilient to whatever life throws at us. Just as a tree responds to a virus by blocking off the path to form a new branch and keep on growing, we can also adapt and thrive despite the anxiety and self-sabotage that change may bring up.

**Perfectionism: Experiencing feelings of self-doubt and “not being good enough”.**

This could be the root of why people who experience anxiety may likely self-sabotage. We may tell ourselves that somehow things need to be "better," but what does that do for us? We end up procrastinating on starting or doing something because it’s not the right time. Or the conditions need to be right. Or it doesn’t pay us enough.

When you’re faced with these feelings, ask yourself these questions:

What are the feelings of self-doubt and not being good enough trying to tell you?
Are you comparing yourself to others’ success or how they are living their lives?
Is there maybe a deeper feeling of envy, where you may want what they have?
What are your skills and talents?
Can you start to shift your mindset to being “good enough”, instead of aiming for perfection?
What would happen if you take the first step towards the life you want to create?
If you are worried about failing, maybe you need to give yourself some space and learn from those decisions?

Tip: Download our free the K-W-L worksheet here. What do you KNOW? What would you WANT to know? What did you LEARN?

Physical, mental, or emotional exhaustion (a.k.a. Burn out)

Burn out can leave you feeling depleted and overwhelmed, often exacerbating feelings of anxiety and self-sabotage. If you’re at this stage, refer to point #2 and take a step back to reset your mind, body, heart, and spirit. It’s not easy or convenient—trust me. But you know what? It’s worth taking the time to slow down and see what you want to prioritize in your life, relationships, and work. Maybe you need to take up a new hobby? Or maybe you need to change careers? It could even be time to reflect on the relationships in your life that may be adding to your feelings of exhaustion. The main thing I want you to take away is, how could you muster more energy when there’s an empty tank? When you’re not feeling your best, or more irritated than usual, how would you want to show up for yourself if you may be showing up for others?

They may be filled with grief, hurt, and hopelessness.

After experiencing a significant loss, such as losing a loved one, losing your job, or breaking up with people who have been draining your energy, it’s okay to feel these overwhelming emotions, as they can often be linked to anxiety and self-sabotage. Take this time to pause and step away from the daily responsibilities, because trust me, they will still be there when you come out of this. Allow yourself to sob uncontrollably, scream into your pillow, or simply sit in silence and let the tears fall. It’s important to let yourself feel whatever emotions come up, without judgment. Surround yourself with people who understand the weight of your pain, or simply be alone if that’s what you need. Remember, healing takes time, and there is no need to rush the process. Your heart deserves the love and attention it has been lacking. Take this time to nourish it back to health. Give yourself the patience and compassion you deserve.

They could be bored and want to shake things up a bit for a “clean slate”.

Sometimes, this desire for change can stem from underlying feelings of anxiety and self-sabotage. It’s common to feel restless when caught in a monotonous routine, and this craving for something different might indicate a deeper yearning for fulfillment or purpose. Perhaps blowing up your life is exactly what you need to break free from the funk you’ve been experiencing. Embracing change can feel daunting, but it can also be a powerful opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Reflect on what aspects of your life you’re ready to transform, and consider how making those changes can lead to a renewed sense of excitement and possibility.

Wanting to escape their stressors and find simpler days

When did life get so busy and there was no moment of peace? Your home life may be filled with stress and when you go to work, the same thing. There is no space for calm because it seems that everyone around you is stressed out, overworked, and overwhelmed so maybe that is the norm? But here’s the thing: it doesn’t have to be. If you find yourself wanting to escape these stressors and long for simpler days, know that it’s within your control to choose how you spend your time and energy. Anxiety and self-sabotage can sometimes make us feel trapped in a never-ending cycle of busyness, but walking or thinking outside the box can help. What could your life look like if you simplified the laundry list of tasks that doesn’t move the needle forward towards the life you ACTUALLY want?

Tip: Find moments of awe. You know the feeling? When your jaw drops and your mind opens to new possibilities. The noise from the daily stream of chatter quiets down, and for a moment, you just breathe. For example, take a short walk outside without your phone and take in the space around you. We went on a walk today and noticed a little green caterpillar in the covered parking lot on its own and decided to bring it to a better place where it can thrive. Over the years, with the support of my partner and my own therapist, I’ve come to realize how essential it is to have people in your life who help you slow down and appreciate the small, living beings all around us.

Learning their boundaries, needs, and wants when they were usually the protector, caretaker, or peacemaker in their relationships with others

It usually feels worse before it gets better. If you've often taken on the role of protector, caretaker, or peacemaker in your relationships to prevent others from self-sabotaging, this shift may feel difficult at first. Not impossible, but making the conscious effort to honor your own boundaries, needs, and wants—rather than automatically tending to others—can be a game changer. Start by noticing the language that you use around others. For instance, I often catch myself saying, “It’s fine”, when what I need is a little bit more time to think of a response to what I actually want. By practicing being more mindfully present with the words and actions we can better recognize when we might betray our own needs, leading to feelings of anxiety and self-sabotage, all for the sake of making others feel comfortable.

Ready to break the cycle?

If you’re finding yourself stuck in a cycle of anxiety and self-sabotage—whether it’s delaying important decisions, feeling overwhelmed by stress, or struggling with perfectionism—you don’t have to navigate it alone. These patterns can keep you from living the life you want, but with the right support, you can learn to break free, establish healthy boundaries, and move forward with clarity and confidence.

At Self Compassion Counseling, I specialize in helping individuals like you who may feel overwhelmed by anxiety, struggle with self-sabotage, or find it difficult to prioritize their own needs and boundaries. Together, we’ll identify the patterns that hold you back and explore new ways to approach change, relationships, and self-care.

Take the first step toward breaking the cycle of anxiety and self-sabotage today. Schedule a consultation with me and let’s work together to help you create the life you deserve—one that’s aligned with your values, priorities, and personal goals.

Contact me today to start your journey toward self-compassion, growth, and a more fulfilling life.

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Anxiety and Self-Sabotage: Breaking the Cycle